Everyone has their own way of dealing with stress and for the longest time, the only way I dealt with my stress, was going to yoga. I wouldn't talk to anyone. I believe that a good way to relieve yourself of burdens is by talking to someone that you can trust. It's not that I couldn't trust anyone, I guess I just didn't want to seem weak but I'm human. Even the strongest of individuals have weaknesses and worries. So, even if I'm unable to SPEAK of my worries, I thought, why not blog and vent on here. Surely what I may not be able to speak, perhaps I can type. I just got done talking to a close and long time friend of mine and we were just venting to each other. I love talking to her because we have very similar problems, especially with our families, and talking to someone is great, but talking to someone who knows exactly how you feel, makes it 10x better.
My longest problem has been money. I know, who hasn't had this issue since the economy plummeted?? I honestly hate to desire more money, but I'm honestly living from pay check to pay check. Sometimes I almost go into a panic attach. It frustrates me that I can't even afford something to drink at work or even afford to go out and watch a movie. I work retail, and even that should be enough said, but it's tough. The stress and having to deal with the worst of people can take a toll on yourself. I want to make something better of myself but even going to school right now scares me so much. I'm worried I won't be able to get enough hours at work to pay rent and other bills because of my school hours. Where is the balance??? And I'm worried that if I do get a new job, will they be as lenient with my schedule? I have seniority at my job right now and they're understanding with school and whatnot. Or am I just not really looking for a new job because I'm comfortable where I'm at right now?
On the other hand, I also have a very interesting job. I work with GREAT people that always make me laugh. And I also meet interesting people. Not all of them are horrible. Even when I do get a horrible customer, I can vent to my co-workers because they know exactly what this is like! I work for a strong company, but we sure as hell don't get paid enough for the stuff we have to deal with. And my bills get paid, I can just never do anything else! Work, home, school, sleep. Then I wake up and do it all over again. "I'm living, but I'm not alive." That's what my friend tells me all the time. hahaha and it's the truth! I've been this way since I was 16 but even then it was easier because I was living at home and to be honest, if I could, I would still be living at home. I would be less stressed and have more time and money for ME. For all my young folks that are still at home, stay there as long as you can and save as much as you can. It would be the best thing you could ever do for yourself and will be more prepared for the future. Don't get me wrong, I love my independence and the fact that EVERYTHING I have right now, I bought on my own with no help whatsoever, so I almost can't fail because if I do, then my whole life goes up in flames and then I'll lose everything I worked so hard for. I've accomplished alot already, so I shouldn't take things so lightly like I tend to do sometimes. Everything is a process, this is another process that I'm having to go through, however, this has been going on for FOREVER it feels like haha. I guess I'm just waiting for my door, or window to open, but I feel like I'm walking in the dark!
I'm determined to find out where I fit in in this world! I WILL find that door....or window... or whatever is waiting for me! I may be shy but when I get determined, I'll do anything. This is a hard time for me and sure, I get sad and sometimes even deeply depressed because of these situation and family problems that just pull me down but the reality is, this is it. Without the hard times, I wouldn't be able to appreciate and value the good times I have.
Whew! feeling better already! Thanks for reading this! I feel like a weight has already been lifted off my shoulders and my mind is alittle more clear!
until next time,
Namaste a todos :)
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