Let's start over

This past weekend was very difficult, one, because I worked nonstop, but I liked working so that shouldn't be number one. I worked all day Friday and all day Saturday but I loved being productive and the people I work with are amazing. They help keep my mind off things and keep me smiling and laughing which is ultimately what I need right now. Anyway, Saturday night I read that my boyfriend that I just got out of a relationship with had already got another girlfriend, this hurt me so bad! I was thinking, "how could he have found someone so soon??!! (it had only been a week since we broke up)Especially when I'm still dreading the thought that I'll never see him again." ugh, I was crushed... So that news pretty much ruined Sunday for me, all I wanted to do was cry myself to sleep. I didn't want to acknowledge this day or even go through every hour, every minute...(I had the day off with nothing to do and all my sisters were at work.)But I knew that sleeping in and bring sad wouldn't change anything, it would only make me feel worse and remind me of everything again once I woke up, further delaying my recovery process. So I dragged myself out of bed, puffy eyed and everything, and put on my favorite show, Sex and the City, and told myself, "I don't want to feel these negative thoughts and feelings, go away." I felt much better and even relieved after saying that a couple of times. :)

In yoga,(yup! I'm talking about yoga again!)my teacher once told us while we were in savasana to invision ourselves in a white light, this white light was our positive energy, our positive energy and shield and if any negative feelings entered we could fight it by saying some sort of positive affirmation. So that's what I did. It helped me. :)

This morning my heart swelled with happiness and I felt wonderful, so ready for the day and even excited for work! To shake off the weekend's dreariness, I curled my hair for work! And I never do that! Not to mention I've been against getting dolled up for work, don't see the point because I work retail and I'd rather go comfy but today I wanted to experience something different, even something small, and go outside my comfort zone, I'm so glad I did too! Seems like when you try something new you see all these doors open and your mind floods with so much more ideas.

I'm going to do my own thing and whomever or whatever comes along, I'll deal with it then, but right now, I want to enjoy life and love the people in it who DESERVE my attention, especially those that helped me through this tough time, you know who you are ;) and as for everyone else.... Buenas suerte! (good luck!)

Drew <3

This is for me

    I've been having this urge to do something, anything. Something just for me. Maybe take a trip? Go somewhere new. I need to get out of here, see something from a new perspective. I've been so cluttered, with my thoughts, with work stress, but mostly, just me. I put this upon myself really. 
    I freed my mind pretty well, better than I expected. After loosing Shawnee this last time, I felt an ache like no other. I'm sure everyone has experienced this scared, lump in your throat, anxiety feeling. They're not going to be there anymore to hold you the way they did, to kiss you, to make you feel better when you're down. Not to mention all the personal things about them: his laugh, his hands, his smile, the way he'd hug me...I didn't have enough time to prepare myself emotionally because I had a feeling this would happen, he would be gone. Then, before I knew it, he was gone. The first thing I did was blame myself, "Well, if I was so 'amazing' like he said I was, why did he leave me?" But let's be honest, maybe I wasn't enough, maybe he needed something I wasn't providing, or maybe he really just needed to be single and sort everything out. Can't blame someone for trying to find their happiness. I would have done the same thing.
     It's not very easy for me to find someone that I like, so when I do, it's scary and I doubt myself so much. Maybe that's why I'm so distant... We didn't end it in anger. It was a reconciliation I was willing to accept. Crying wouldn't keep him there and he obviously knew how much I loved and cared for him. I'm just sad. However, the only thing to do is keep my heart open, ready for the next person. Never dwell on "what went wrong" because everything happens for a reason. Don't beat yourself up over things like that. ANYTHING can happen, who knows what tomorrow will bring or what amazing experiences you'll have :) Keep your mind and heart open, never doubt yourself and remember your confidence because others feed off that energy and feel it. Everyone is unique, show everyone how unique you are! :)
     And if you need to cry, then cry. You'll feel better afterward. I'm pretty sure I'm done with tears. I just have those moments of sighs. But I will tell you this, I will NOT hang on to this heartache as long as I usually do. I deserve happiness! Give me a couple of days, I'll get there ;) Sometimes I wish I was forty, already married, hopefully in my career and have kids. I'll just skip all those years in between. However, life is definitely something to experience and I'm not even twenty-one yet!!! Oh geez... I have a looooooooong way to go. Wish me luck! :D

                                                                        Drew <3

My day in the sun

About two days ago I was on the freeway and while I was driving I heard, through the blaring music, a weird sound and the first thing I thought was, "wow, great. My tire just popped!" But my car was still driving normal, not swaying or anything so I pulled over anyway to check it out. Turns out the tread, or the very outer part, of my back right tire had come off. I got so lucky because I was still able to drive it to my destination safely. I called my sister Brooke to let her know and I knew I was gonna hear it because she had told me like a week ago that that tire was bad, she's studying to be an automotive technician so she's always letting me know about oil changes and stuff like that :) really nice having a mechanic in the family haha. So the first thing she says is of course, "aye drew! I told you!" hahaha I laughed because it was so true. It was sweet because Shawnee laughed at me too but still assured me that he'd come to retrieve me and he'd get me a new tire.

I ended up not being able to get my tire fixed because it was labor day weekend. I had work on Tuesday and was forced to take the bus and it ended up being a blessing to me in the end! I had made this deal with myself that I would take the bus at least three days out of the week just to be one less car off the road and less pollution. I still hadn't gotten around to getting a bus card so this was a good start. I loved walking and listening to music. Just feeling the earth underneath my feet, holding me up, made me smile and feel me with such energy and happiness. Might sound weird but that's what I felt. However, at the same time, I felt sad because all I saw was garbage along the sidewalk. I almost regretted not bringing along a garbage bag to pick it all up.

When someone throws there garbage on the ground, they don't realize how much that effects EVERYONE, let alone our mother earth :( and she's lashing back at us with all these horrible storms which will only continue to get worse if we keep going at this rate. It's scary to think about.

So the next day I decided that I would spend my morning picking a street and pick up garbage anywhere that I found it. I put on all my necessary gear(gloves, sun screen) and some garbage bags and of course, my ipod :) 

:( tons of stuff like this stuffed into bushes

Literally found like ten of these in the same area! someone was thirsty! haha

and another...

Almost didn't see ya there! ha! 

Beads? really?

I got down and dirty! haha 

However, through all that garbage, there peeks a beautifully colored flower :)

The end product :) 

Yup, I'm a "tree huger" haha 

Then after all this, I went to hot yoga and felt soooooo unbelievably great and so strong.  I want to dedicate at least one day off that I have of work a week to going out there and cleaning our streets. Might not be MUCH but it's SOMETHING and for me, that's good enough :)