Something terrible happened to a very special person in our family. He was like a brother, an extended part of our lives and the other half to my younger brother, Emilio. His name was Jerry Wilson Jr. He was just 16 and a father, son, and friend. With a smile that could keep you out of the worst mood. He had the dorkiest laugh, but it was his, and he was true to it :). I wasn't as close to him as the rest of my family was because I had moved out of my parent's house so when he would spend the night and hang out when my family had kick-backs, I wasn't there but he made me comfortable to be around him because he was Emilio's best friend and I trusted him.
His heart just stopped suddenly and the paramedics could not save him. It was his time to go, his amount of heart beats was up. It's so hard to believe that he's gone, this kid who was Emilio's escape from life, another home that he could go to when times got rough at our house, a person to hang out with and talk to. My mom tried to comfort him, she told him, "I know how you feel, I lost my best friend too." He replied with tears streaming down his face, "But he wasn't my best friend, he was more than that..." Which, if you knew Emilio and Jerry, they were inseparable. Broke my heart! I could feel his pain and his hurt. I've told him that we'd be there for him no matter what, but it's not the same...
The pain comes in waves so one minutes I'm ok and the next I'm crying. I feel like I see him everywhere and with my little time with Jerry I can only imagine what Emilio is going through. He has tons of memories with him. I love him so much and I think I'm mostly hurting because of him. I want him to be happy and to succeed in life. We didn't have the best childhood and he never had the right father figure to look up to, we grew up in an abusive household, he's still a kid and needs guidance... I hope this experience makes him stronger. He's very distraught right now... I'm praying for him and Jerry's family every night. Please send them happy thoughts.
It's hard to write this... I keep seeing his happy face in my mind. I haven't ever lost someone so close so this is a different experience for me. I'm used to telling people, "He left because it was his time to go... God has a different plan for him..." But when you're in the situation, you're so confused and trying to find a solution for yourself and the right explanation to why his soul was ranked out of his body so soon when he had everything to live for. But this is the circle of life. Living isn't forever, and these things happen. Emilio probably feels so alone right now, so lost and confused. I hurt for him so much right now. Us kids are really close, we've been through a lot together.
With this recent occurrence, I wasn't very happy(of course) and I felt this unbelievable weight on my heart. I felt scared and vulnerable, almost hopeless. This is something I have never felt before, even during my worst depressed days waaaaay back in the day, before I found Yoga :). Some time has passed and I'm feeling more like myself and I must remember to be strong for my brother. He needs us more than ever right now.
We need to APPRECIATE life, OUR lives, and appreciate everything we do, everyone we love, everyone that makes us happy and smile. Let's have fun and try not to waste time worrying about tomorrow and live in the moment. There's beauty out there, amongst the tragic, let's find it, let's find peace in our hearts and accept what's happening, let's try to make it better and ease our pain little by little. Everything will be ok... it just takes time...
I'm sorry that I cannot provide a picture of Jerry, but I can't look at his face right now. I'm not quite strong enough for this yet.....
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