My teacher training is going great. I just finished the second part of my training and next step is teaching! Ah! I'm nervous but WAY more confident this time around. And I'm so excited at the same time. I have all these ideas and themes that I can teach, I just need to put it in a sequence and BAM! I got myself a yoga class hahaha
This past weekend I had a Hynotherapy class which was all weekend. Friday, Saturday and Sunday. This is my second weekend doing this class which is the 200 hour class and then next will be my 300 hour and then i'll be certified and helping the public! How exciting! I learned a lot in this class as well and the cool part is you learn so much more about yourself. My teacher brought something great to my attention, he said, "there is no failure, just feedback." If we don't do something right then we learn from it and try again, and again and again if we need to. Don't give up. I've felt the need to give up, especially when I didn't teach right the first time, but it was my first experience and I tried again and did even BETTER. Giving up may seem like the way out but it's not. It digs you deeper.
I saw couple of friends a couple of weeks ago, who I hadn't seen in a long time. I had fun, laughed a lot and caught up. But the one reason I hate to see friends that I haven't seen in along time is that the first thing they tell me is, "wow, you've gained weight." this, I hear constantly. Or, "what have you been eating." I told him that this was me now and that I was growing up (he hadn't seen me since I was about 18, I'm now 20) I was very skinny back then because I hardly ate anything, just fruit every now and then, He responded with, "yeah you have." I just laughed it off and didn't let it bother me and I thought it didn't. I think I just blocked it because yesterday, I just started crying out of no where and criticizing myself. I was in class and it just wasn't the right time. I'm just trying to be ok with this and I'm sabotaging myself for what someone else said. Another thing is, we should really watch out for what we say because we don't know what someone is going through and how they might take our words. BE MINDFUL. I started this cleanse because I wanted to start over and just let my body heal from all the stuff that I've put it through and I wanted more energy. When we eat solid food, out body takes most of our energy to digest our food which is why sometimes if we eat too much at one time, we feel we need a nap.
At first, this was only my intention, but I will be honest, waaaaaaay back in my mind, it was to lose weight. I did 3 days of this "only liquids" cleanse, today is day 4 and i'm no longer hungry anymore. I'm really trying to fix the way I am. I still have this huge amount of love for life and the people around me, just myself that I'm not giving love to, positive thoughts to, patience. Yesterday after class, I just wanted to talk to someone, someone that would listen, not judge, someone that could connect with and who knew what I was going through. Looking through my contact list, I couldn't talk to anyone. I feel so alone, so contained in this box. And it's so frustrating not being able to do something that I want to. I don't feel comfortable even talking to my family because I feel like it's something they've heard so many times that it's a burden, I guess i can understand. I'm grateful though, to have the courage to share how I feel on here and in someway communicate with people here who might have the same challenges in life and who feel all alone and in a way we can be together and lean on each other when we feel weak. Everything doesn't last forever, the most important thing is that I'm looking for a way to heal myself. I feel like i'm on the right path. I want to travel and be free, free from myself mostly haha and to find myself in this big world. However, my place isn't here...
I'm lookin' up though :)
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