I was sitting here in my room trying to waste time before I go to my hot yoga class and because of all that time(close to 4 hours) I got to thinking if we'll ever(we: meaning me, girls in general, you, and whomever else that has this issue) be ok with ourselves? We always see ourselves differently than others do but I want to, even once, say to myself, "I'm ok the way I am, how I am and who I am. I'm happy." But I've never been able to say that. Honestly, I'm always looking for ways to "better" modify myself to accommodate someone else... I think we all might have been here before. The truth is, I'm so sick of it. Will I ever get over this? I heard the phrase, "You have to love yourself first before someone else can love you." Is this true? If so, this explains my past haha. Whenever I do change something about myself, like my hair color or buy a new shirt, I do it for someone else, someone that I want to please, someone that very much does NOT deserve this at all. At first, I thought this was me being thoughtful, and it still is but most of the time, it does me no good. It goes unnoticed and then I feel bad. The only way I'm motivated to do something better for myself is through someone else. I want to change this vicious cycle with myself! And that's the truth...
This post is mostly for my own self motivation and to get all these thoughts and questions out of my head. I've already cleansed my body, now I want to cleanse my mind and the way I think. So far, I am making sooooo much progress. Everyday I'm finding something that I like about myself, whether it's something small, like my smile or even my hair.
I'm hoping that one of these days my own judgment will be enough :)
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